Day 11 was particularly piercing. Here's just a morsel, "Are you a saboteur?" (Absolutely not! That's such an ugly word.) Then the definition: "Self-sabotage means that you consciously or subconsciously obstruct your own productivity (uh, oh...) in order to underhandedly defeat a worthwhile endeavor." Nope. Not me. I read further to find out what other women do to complicate their lives and ensure that they fall short of the fulfilling lives they desire.
That's when she pulled out the big guns. She gave examples - galore! "Could this be your story?", she asks, in her unassuming way. "NO!!" I screamed inside my head, starting to panic now. Here are just a few:
- You don't exercise, causing health issues.
- You are rash and impulsive, resulting in poor, often irreversible decisions.
- You compare yourself to others and end up feeling inadequate.
- You aim for perfection, leading inevitably to failure.
- You allow your temper to rage out of control, producing guilt and shame.
You get the picture. And so it went, each example peeling away another layer of denial until I found myself searching frantically for the "All of the Above" choice! "How did this happen?" I wondered aloud as I sat in the middle of my bed confronted by all the ways I choose to be my own worst enemy.
I've read more self improvement books than any woman alive and, while I have made positive changes as a result, I still struggle in EVERY SINGLE AREA she mentioned. And, as often as I've undercut God's best intentions for my life, instead of facing it and making a change, I usually blame Him.
So what's the answer? Well... I think step one is probably doing exactly what I was forced to do - strip away the denial and excuses. Each of us needs to take a deep, honest look at our daily thought and behavior patterns. Then we need to surrender and be open to change. God will show us areas where we need to come up higher, but we have to listen. And, you know what I've found? God is the Alpha and Omega of Common Sense. Sometimes the things we make so hard are actually very simple - not easy, mind you - but simple.
For example, if you're moody all day because you stayed up too late, go to bed! If you're miserable because you just ate three Snickers bars, choose one "fun" size Snickers (I wonder how much fun a candy bar that small can be.). You get the idea. Overspending, overeating, yelling at my kids, or that racing, pounding heart feeling, all of which I still confront, really have straightforward answers, whether or not we want to believe it.
Here are just a few principles that I am discovering to help alleviate my self-sabotaging behaviors.
- Be content. Period.
- Be moderate in all things, including work, eating, spending and exercise. Following this principle alone has added balance and peace to my life.
- Treat others like I want to be treated. Need I say more?
- Try to see myself as God sees me - a cherished one-of-a-kind work-in-progress.
- Be humble. Note that this does NOT mean thinking less of yourself. It simply means to think of yourself less.
- Be radically generous! Nothing lifts my spirits in the middle of a self-sabotaging funk like giving to someone else. There are so many needs. Every time I look, I find someone who needs an encouraging word, a hug or a hot meal.
In spite of the many "self improvement" books I've read, I learned every one of these principles from the greatest book ever written. It's true. Start with the book of Proverbs and see for yourself. And, take "self sabotage" out of your vocabulary for good!
